1 00:00:08,345 --> 00:00:10,219 Miss, I want to run for head girl. 2 00:00:11,859 --> 00:00:13,065 Lovely. 3 00:00:13,150 --> 00:00:15,259 Deadline was yesterday. Please shut the door. 4 00:00:15,344 --> 00:00:16,784 Yeah, but I was off sick yesterday so... 5 00:00:16,870 --> 00:00:18,725 Oh, cry me a river. 6 00:00:20,108 --> 00:00:23,126 I can’t go moving dates around willy-nilly, 7 00:00:23,212 --> 00:00:24,905 else everyone will want special treatment, won’t they? 8 00:00:24,990 --> 00:00:27,278 Well, it could just be our little secret. 9 00:00:29,924 --> 00:00:31,012 Don’t do that. 10 00:00:32,906 --> 00:00:33,985 Rules are rules, 11 00:00:34,070 --> 00:00:36,735 and anyway, these things, they’re a popularity contest. 12 00:00:37,099 --> 00:00:39,803 Not to say that you’re not popular, but... 13 00:00:41,135 --> 00:00:43,425 All right, let’s not beat around the bush, you’re not popular. 14 00:00:43,510 --> 00:00:44,590 Cheers, miss. 15 00:00:44,675 --> 00:00:45,738 Come on. 16 00:00:46,021 --> 00:00:49,264 Get real. I’ve got the likes of Poppy Cruickshank in the running. 17 00:00:49,350 --> 00:00:50,917 It would be David and Goliath. 18 00:00:51,002 --> 00:00:52,356 Yeah, but popular girls shouldn’t 19 00:00:52,441 --> 00:00:54,505 just automatically get it anyway. It’s not fair. 20 00:00:54,590 --> 00:00:57,443 Oh, maybe you’ll get a Filofax and start adhering to deadlines then. 21 00:00:57,529 --> 00:00:59,751 - What use is a Filofax? - People in the running for head girl. 22 00:00:59,836 --> 00:01:01,807 Now, if there’s nothing else... 23 00:01:03,326 --> 00:01:04,630 This is discrimination. 24 00:01:05,197 --> 00:01:06,497 No, it’s not. 25 00:01:12,070 --> 00:01:14,605 - Can I just say one more thing? - Oh, good God, what? 26 00:01:14,690 --> 00:01:17,411 This school, right, has been crying out for the voice of the many 27 00:01:17,496 --> 00:01:19,110 and that’s me, me. 28 00:01:20,478 --> 00:01:21,584 Come on. 29 00:01:21,669 --> 00:01:24,710 Just do it as an experiment, see if I get the others to work harder. 30 00:01:25,157 --> 00:01:26,536 That’s two things. 31 00:01:28,891 --> 00:01:30,830 Campaign speeches are next week. 32 00:01:32,608 --> 00:01:34,385 Don’t let me down and don’t embarrass yourself. 33 00:01:34,470 --> 00:01:35,791 I won’t, I promise. 34 00:01:36,675 --> 00:01:38,970 - Thank you so much. - Yeah, please get out. 35 00:01:59,641 --> 00:02:01,786 ...I wouldn’t call myself an expert. 36 00:02:01,871 --> 00:02:03,620 I would argue no one can truly 37 00:02:03,705 --> 00:02:06,265 call themselves a film fan if they haven’t watched an Almodovar. 38 00:02:06,350 --> 00:02:08,902 - Oh, please, that’s ludicrous. - I didn’t say you have to like them. 39 00:02:08,987 --> 00:02:11,733 But you’ve got to be fluent in their artistic currency. 40 00:02:12,244 --> 00:02:14,150 Travis, favourite film? 41 00:02:15,169 --> 00:02:17,666 I’ve always really liked Moulin Rouge. 42 00:02:19,310 --> 00:02:20,425 You’ve got to be joking. 43 00:02:20,510 --> 00:02:23,446 No. That was a great film. Arty. 44 00:02:24,162 --> 00:02:25,705 Arty is one word. 45 00:02:25,790 --> 00:02:27,532 Derivative’s another. 46 00:02:27,931 --> 00:02:30,916 Trav, Mrs. Blocker wants to see you in her office. 47 00:02:31,001 --> 00:02:32,067 Why? 48 00:02:32,548 --> 00:02:34,425 She caught you on the CCT wearing your trainers. 49 00:02:34,510 --> 00:02:35,888 Oh, for God’s sake. 50 00:02:37,223 --> 00:02:39,029 Right, I’ll see you in a bit, boys. 51 00:02:44,996 --> 00:02:46,036 You’re welcome. 52 00:02:46,761 --> 00:02:49,189 Oh, you dickhead, I was bricking it. 53 00:02:50,048 --> 00:02:52,276 Well, I had to be cruel to be kind, didn’t I? 54 00:02:52,833 --> 00:02:55,502 Right, do you want to help me make some posters? 55 00:02:55,587 --> 00:02:56,430 What for? 56 00:02:56,639 --> 00:02:58,307 I’m so crap at this stuff. 57 00:02:59,233 --> 00:03:00,500 Yeah, I can see that. 58 00:03:02,344 --> 00:03:03,668 By the way, 59 00:03:03,753 --> 00:03:06,185 I wanted to say sorry for the other day. 60 00:03:06,270 --> 00:03:08,645 Just for the other day? Because you’ve been a dick for weeks, babe. 61 00:03:08,730 --> 00:03:10,855 Yeah, well, all right, give us offence. 62 00:03:14,670 --> 00:03:17,110 Will you forgive me if I buy you a Club bar? 63 00:03:17,393 --> 00:03:18,320 Maybe. 64 00:03:18,405 --> 00:03:19,390 Thanks. 65 00:03:19,702 --> 00:03:22,190 On a completely different topic... 66 00:03:23,270 --> 00:03:24,830 Can I borrow £1.50? 67 00:03:27,488 --> 00:03:28,983 Please. 68 00:03:29,466 --> 00:03:30,590 You’re a twat. 69 00:03:30,916 --> 00:03:32,196 Have you spoken to Lyds? 70 00:03:32,281 --> 00:03:33,804 Yeah. Well, no, I haven’t. 71 00:03:33,890 --> 00:03:36,743 I texted her, but she just replied with... 72 00:03:36,983 --> 00:03:38,470 three middle-finger emojis. 73 00:03:39,206 --> 00:03:40,605 Yeah, I know. 74 00:03:40,690 --> 00:03:41,789 She’s pissed. 75 00:03:41,874 --> 00:03:42,869 She’s so pissed. 76 00:03:43,292 --> 00:03:44,229 Right, show me them. 77 00:03:44,314 --> 00:03:45,596 Right, yeah. I don’t know, 78 00:03:45,710 --> 00:03:47,518 this is what I’ve got. I mean... 79 00:03:48,310 --> 00:03:50,875 - No, that’s shit. - That’s a bit harsh. 80 00:03:50,960 --> 00:03:52,305 - No, it’s not funny. - What? 81 00:03:52,390 --> 00:03:55,105 - I can’t put that round the school. - I’m a strong independent woman. 82 00:03:55,190 --> 00:03:58,865 ...future, that’s just fact, there won’t be jobs for any of us, within ten years, 83 00:03:58,950 --> 00:04:00,828 - we’ll just-- - Peter. 84 00:04:00,913 --> 00:04:01,865 Hey, 85 00:04:01,950 --> 00:04:03,510 can you help us with this? 86 00:04:05,070 --> 00:04:05,820 Please. 87 00:04:05,906 --> 00:04:07,437 I’m hardly going to say yes before I know the terms. 88 00:04:07,527 --> 00:04:09,932 All right, chill out, I’m not going to ask you to sign a contract. 89 00:04:10,018 --> 00:04:12,390 Just help with these posters. 90 00:04:13,151 --> 00:04:14,358 Very droll. 91 00:04:18,096 --> 00:04:19,554 Done. Easy. 92 00:04:20,052 --> 00:04:22,737 Oh, my God. Peter, you’re a ledge. 93 00:04:22,822 --> 00:04:24,902 But don’t think this secures my vote, 94 00:04:24,987 --> 00:04:27,590 I will remain impartial until I have considered all policies. 95 00:04:28,186 --> 00:04:30,756 Right. There we go. That’s that one done. 96 00:04:31,335 --> 00:04:32,764 - Nice. - Right. 97 00:04:33,550 --> 00:04:34,390 Babe. 98 00:04:35,630 --> 00:04:36,712 What’s all this? 99 00:04:36,830 --> 00:04:38,598 - She’s running for head girl. - I’m running for head girl. 100 00:04:38,683 --> 00:04:40,671 - Oh, my goodness, good for you, babe. - Thanks. 101 00:04:40,756 --> 00:04:43,790 But what about the deadline? You missed it, right? 102 00:04:44,576 --> 00:04:47,298 Oh, that... It doesn’t matter to me, I’m just... 103 00:04:47,383 --> 00:04:48,915 I’m so proud of you, Beth. 104 00:04:50,144 --> 00:04:51,148 Good luck. 105 00:04:52,444 --> 00:04:54,323 Gosh, she’s a rotten apple. 106 00:04:54,868 --> 00:04:56,308 All right, Grandma. 107 00:04:56,603 --> 00:04:58,399 - Jesus! - Shut up! 108 00:04:59,104 --> 00:05:00,110 Hi, Beth. 109 00:05:00,996 --> 00:05:02,463 - What? - Can I take some of those? 110 00:05:02,548 --> 00:05:04,670 - I’ll put ’em up for you. - Thanks. 111 00:05:04,932 --> 00:05:06,390 Here, take a few. 112 00:05:09,692 --> 00:05:10,550 Beth? 113 00:05:12,181 --> 00:05:13,385 Beat the bitch. 114 00:05:13,470 --> 00:05:14,312 Sorry? 115 00:05:15,772 --> 00:05:16,886 You heard me. 116 00:05:19,795 --> 00:05:20,859 Bye. 117 00:05:22,432 --> 00:05:23,366 Bye. 118 00:05:36,316 --> 00:05:37,915 Excuse me. Hi. 119 00:05:38,270 --> 00:05:40,070 Sorry, I’m just looking for Trina. 120 00:05:40,573 --> 00:05:42,275 - I think she was watching the telly. - Okay. 121 00:05:42,360 --> 00:05:44,602 - I’m going that way, I’ll take you. - Okay. 122 00:05:48,894 --> 00:05:50,400 Are you her daughter? 123 00:05:50,744 --> 00:05:51,668 Yeah. 124 00:05:52,002 --> 00:05:53,321 Yes, Bethan, 125 00:05:53,406 --> 00:05:55,664 - she’s been telling me all about you. - Really? 126 00:05:55,750 --> 00:05:58,067 Yeah, you’re going to be a Hollywood star, apparently. 127 00:05:58,152 --> 00:06:00,959 Oh, God, no. I don’t know about that! 128 00:06:01,626 --> 00:06:04,195 I’ve healed you now, so you can get on the floor if you want. 129 00:06:04,280 --> 00:06:06,430 - Piss off. - Oh, Beth! 130 00:06:06,974 --> 00:06:08,897 - Where have you been? - To school. 131 00:06:09,221 --> 00:06:11,534 - School. Busy? - Yeah. 132 00:06:13,372 --> 00:06:15,424 I’ve got myself in a bit of hot water. 133 00:06:15,509 --> 00:06:16,466 Why? 134 00:06:17,861 --> 00:06:19,425 See that woman over there? 135 00:06:19,510 --> 00:06:21,550 Just promised to buy her a brand-new Ferrari. 136 00:06:22,374 --> 00:06:24,113 Writing cheques my arse can’t cash. 137 00:06:24,198 --> 00:06:25,504 Cup of tea? 138 00:06:25,589 --> 00:06:27,128 No. No, I don’t want that. 139 00:06:27,270 --> 00:06:28,725 Backwash. 140 00:06:29,326 --> 00:06:30,945 So, how do you feel? 141 00:06:33,048 --> 00:06:34,418 Yeah, great. 142 00:06:35,018 --> 00:06:36,637 It’s like a five-star hotel in here. 143 00:06:36,722 --> 00:06:39,202 No, but, I mean, like, what’s going on in your head? 144 00:06:39,287 --> 00:06:40,692 Everything. Yeah. 145 00:06:40,972 --> 00:06:42,136 Well, I can... 146 00:06:42,221 --> 00:06:44,697 read the Bible and enjoy it and I can drink hot and cold tea 147 00:06:44,783 --> 00:06:46,305 - and enjoy that too... - Mam, no, don’t drink... 148 00:06:46,390 --> 00:06:47,834 Someone’s drunk out of that. 149 00:06:47,919 --> 00:06:49,103 Don’t drink it. 150 00:06:50,833 --> 00:06:51,961 Listen. 151 00:06:52,046 --> 00:06:54,555 I’m going to run for this election thing in school. 152 00:06:54,640 --> 00:06:56,032 Like Margaret Thatcher? 153 00:06:56,861 --> 00:06:57,713 No, 154 00:06:58,066 --> 00:06:59,200 Mam, no. 155 00:06:59,957 --> 00:07:01,003 Basically, 156 00:07:01,496 --> 00:07:03,208 if I... if you get it, 157 00:07:03,293 --> 00:07:06,425 you become the face of the school, so I’ve got to do this speech in front of... 158 00:07:06,510 --> 00:07:08,872 Remember when you did a play and you were sick, vomited everywhere? 159 00:07:08,957 --> 00:07:10,947 - You was a wreck. - Yeah, I remember that, yeah. 160 00:07:11,032 --> 00:07:12,603 It’s not like that. 161 00:07:12,689 --> 00:07:13,865 Oh, hold on a minute. 162 00:07:13,950 --> 00:07:15,831 Just got to tune my brain in, Beth. 163 00:07:23,840 --> 00:07:25,710 What are you doing, Trina, you all right? 164 00:07:26,257 --> 00:07:27,785 No, it’s just a cleaner. 165 00:07:27,870 --> 00:07:30,510 Mam, shush. You can’t say that, that’s rude. 166 00:07:31,431 --> 00:07:33,795 - Gasping for a cup of tea. - Oh, Mam, that’s... 167 00:07:36,971 --> 00:07:38,272 Disgusting? 168 00:07:38,776 --> 00:07:40,780 - It’s very nice, thank you. - Okay. 169 00:07:44,029 --> 00:07:45,862 What is he doing up there? 170 00:07:45,947 --> 00:07:47,255 Don’t care. 171 00:07:47,340 --> 00:07:48,590 He can stay up there. 172 00:07:50,013 --> 00:07:52,030 What’s some good policies? 173 00:07:52,540 --> 00:07:54,466 What did you want when you were in school, Nan? 174 00:07:54,551 --> 00:07:57,523 All I cared about was necking boys. 175 00:07:58,283 --> 00:07:59,527 It’s true. 176 00:07:59,950 --> 00:08:02,785 Duncan Gibbert made me go weak at the knees. 177 00:08:02,870 --> 00:08:03,932 Stop it. 178 00:08:04,070 --> 00:08:05,225 Look, 179 00:08:05,310 --> 00:08:08,017 you don’t need all this bollocks, you’re a lovely girl. 180 00:08:08,102 --> 00:08:09,700 You just stand up there and say, 181 00:08:09,785 --> 00:08:12,417 “I’m beautiful, everybody vote for me.” 182 00:08:12,804 --> 00:08:15,245 - You smoking crack? - Not lately, no. 183 00:08:17,877 --> 00:08:19,806 Go and tell him his tea’s ready. 184 00:08:20,808 --> 00:08:22,252 He won’t come. 185 00:08:23,585 --> 00:08:26,852 Right. I’ll go tell him... and you are coming with me. 186 00:08:26,937 --> 00:08:30,078 - No, I’m not. Please, I don’t want to see him. - You’re coming. Come on. 187 00:08:34,385 --> 00:08:36,724 - Dil, I’m coming in. - Not now, Mam. 188 00:08:39,588 --> 00:08:42,042 - Come and have some dinner. - Just get out, Mam. 189 00:08:43,183 --> 00:08:44,239 Get out! 190 00:08:45,268 --> 00:08:46,272 I told you. 191 00:08:53,797 --> 00:08:54,791 Hey. 192 00:09:02,767 --> 00:09:04,922 How many farts have you done in here? 193 00:09:05,286 --> 00:09:06,310 It stinks. 194 00:09:16,847 --> 00:09:18,807 Can you not? That’s my last one. 195 00:09:19,652 --> 00:09:20,772 Twat. 196 00:09:28,385 --> 00:09:29,786 What are you watching? 197 00:09:29,871 --> 00:09:31,950 - Cats Kingdom. - Why? 198 00:09:32,276 --> 00:09:34,341 - Do you want something? - Yeah. 199 00:09:36,049 --> 00:09:36,979 I miss you. 200 00:09:38,213 --> 00:09:40,510 - I’ve been worried about you. - Well, I’m fine, so you can go. 201 00:09:40,682 --> 00:09:42,030 You don’t come to school and 202 00:09:42,604 --> 00:09:44,177 - you look like shit so... - I look like shit? 203 00:09:44,262 --> 00:09:45,948 - Yeah. - Look in the mirror. 204 00:09:47,921 --> 00:09:50,854 My mum’s at a conference anyway so I’m obviously going to knock off. 205 00:09:51,924 --> 00:09:52,729 Guess what? 206 00:09:54,647 --> 00:09:58,030 Shereen Hammer and JD Jenkins had sex in a graveyard. 207 00:09:58,561 --> 00:09:59,750 Like, on a grave. 208 00:10:00,713 --> 00:10:03,756 Can you imagine the corpse underneath being like, “Are you taking the p--”? 209 00:10:09,875 --> 00:10:11,375 Do you reckon you’ll be there on Wednesday? 210 00:10:12,226 --> 00:10:13,164 Dunno. 211 00:10:14,518 --> 00:10:16,959 Cos I’m doing my speech for head girl. 212 00:10:17,499 --> 00:10:21,110 Yeah. And I need you and Trav there because I’m shitting myself. 213 00:10:23,355 --> 00:10:24,470 What? 214 00:10:25,441 --> 00:10:27,070 That is suicide. 215 00:10:29,425 --> 00:10:30,691 Yeah, maybe. 216 00:10:34,685 --> 00:10:36,634 Will you vote for me, though? 217 00:10:36,719 --> 00:10:37,579 No. 218 00:10:40,550 --> 00:10:42,070 I’m going out now so... 219 00:10:45,476 --> 00:10:46,695 Okay, I’ll go. 220 00:10:53,074 --> 00:10:55,350 I’m so sorry about what Tony Chippy did to you. 221 00:10:57,030 --> 00:10:59,543 I know you feel like a piece of shit, but you’re not. 222 00:11:00,911 --> 00:11:02,349 You’re wicked. You’re... 223 00:11:02,661 --> 00:11:04,402 amazing, you’re funny and... 224 00:11:05,187 --> 00:11:06,350 I love you. 225 00:11:07,498 --> 00:11:08,550 Oi! 226 00:11:22,310 --> 00:11:24,190 - Vote for Bethan. - Vote for Bethan. 227 00:11:24,481 --> 00:11:26,430 - Do you s--? Why’s she laughing? - That was a bit rude. 228 00:11:26,515 --> 00:11:27,705 - Vote for Bethan. - Vote for Bethan. 229 00:11:27,790 --> 00:11:29,550 Vote for Bethan, mate. 230 00:11:29,879 --> 00:11:32,818 Trav, I printed 100 of these. No one’s taken one. 231 00:11:32,903 --> 00:11:36,438 - Free flapjack if you vote for me. - Look at the state of her. 232 00:11:36,524 --> 00:11:37,884 Corrupt already. 233 00:11:38,358 --> 00:11:40,710 Be honest. No one is going to vote for me, are they? 234 00:11:41,806 --> 00:11:44,000 - What the fuck? - You just got dog pooed. 235 00:11:44,086 --> 00:11:45,065 - Oh, my God! - Is it on me? 236 00:11:45,150 --> 00:11:47,287 - Is it on me? Is it on you? - No, it’s on me, you twat! 237 00:11:47,372 --> 00:11:49,464 It stinks. Do you see what I mean, though? 238 00:11:49,550 --> 00:11:51,465 We’re being shat on, it’s embarrassing. 239 00:11:51,550 --> 00:11:53,659 Right, none of the pupils are going to vote for you, babe. 240 00:11:53,830 --> 00:11:56,543 But the teachers make up 50% of the vote, don’t they? So if you 241 00:11:56,629 --> 00:11:57,991 - get them on board... - No. 242 00:11:58,076 --> 00:11:59,943 - ...you may stand a chance. Go on. - No. No. 243 00:12:00,028 --> 00:12:02,083 - Go in the staffroom. - Please don’t. 244 00:12:02,637 --> 00:12:05,017 I’ve said no. Trav! Please don’t. 245 00:12:05,102 --> 00:12:07,103 - I asked you not to. - Yeah, but it’ll be fine. 246 00:12:07,188 --> 00:12:09,825 - You’re causing a scene now. - I’m not causing a scene. 247 00:12:09,910 --> 00:12:10,884 See. 248 00:12:10,969 --> 00:12:12,052 Avon calling. 249 00:12:12,137 --> 00:12:13,665 What do you guttersnipes want? 250 00:12:13,750 --> 00:12:16,496 Well, Bethan is on the campaign trail, and she’d love to run the teachers 251 00:12:16,582 --> 00:12:19,206 - through her policies, wouldn’t you, Beth? - I’m trying to eat my bagel here so... 252 00:12:19,291 --> 00:12:20,785 60 seconds. That’s all we’ll take 253 00:12:20,870 --> 00:12:22,665 and then we’ll be right out of here. 254 00:12:22,750 --> 00:12:24,192 All right. Enter. 255 00:12:24,277 --> 00:12:25,846 - Make it pithy. - Okay. 256 00:12:26,550 --> 00:12:27,712 We’re in. 257 00:12:36,910 --> 00:12:39,070 So, these two want to chew our ears off. 258 00:12:39,323 --> 00:12:40,890 Come on, then, let’s hear it. 259 00:12:44,711 --> 00:12:46,047 I’m running for head girl 260 00:12:46,502 --> 00:12:49,155 - and I wondered if I could count on your vote. - It all depends, doesn’t it? 261 00:12:49,240 --> 00:12:52,586 You scratchy our backies, we scratchy yours and all that. 262 00:12:53,980 --> 00:12:57,150 Basically, I’m going to pledge for the canteen to go plastic free. 263 00:12:57,774 --> 00:12:59,803 Boring. Or did you just steal that 264 00:12:59,889 --> 00:13:01,790 off of every single poster down the corridor, did you? 265 00:13:02,168 --> 00:13:04,260 No. No, I didn’t, actually. No. 266 00:13:04,345 --> 00:13:06,814 I called the current suppliers to price it up 267 00:13:06,899 --> 00:13:10,270 and they’re actually more expensive than the ones offering compostable packaging. 268 00:13:11,216 --> 00:13:13,238 - Not bad. - See, you nearly lost me there 269 00:13:13,323 --> 00:13:16,745 but then you reeled me back in like a little fish on a little dish. 270 00:13:16,830 --> 00:13:17,948 Props to you. 271 00:13:19,480 --> 00:13:21,390 Right. Time’s up. 272 00:13:22,087 --> 00:13:23,265 Can I give you one of these? 273 00:13:23,350 --> 00:13:24,310 No. 274 00:13:24,580 --> 00:13:25,470 No. 275 00:13:26,628 --> 00:13:29,103 - Get all those muscles relaxed. Yeah. - Yeah. 276 00:13:29,188 --> 00:13:30,425 Just let it go. 277 00:13:30,510 --> 00:13:32,210 What? How does it help my speech? 278 00:13:32,295 --> 00:13:35,105 Cos if you’re relaxed, then people are going to listen to you. 279 00:13:35,190 --> 00:13:37,225 Like as if you are just watching the telly. 280 00:13:37,310 --> 00:13:38,723 Get your tongue out. 281 00:13:38,808 --> 00:13:39,850 That’s it. 282 00:13:40,354 --> 00:13:42,310 - Cunnilingus. - Focus. 283 00:13:43,030 --> 00:13:44,580 Focus. Seriously! 284 00:13:44,665 --> 00:13:45,840 Repeat after me. 285 00:13:45,925 --> 00:13:48,785 Betty Botter bought some butter, but she said the butter’s bitter... 286 00:13:48,870 --> 00:13:50,338 Who the fuck is Betty? 287 00:13:58,350 --> 00:13:59,430 Hit me. 288 00:13:59,935 --> 00:14:00,665 Come on. 289 00:14:00,750 --> 00:14:03,630 - My fellow Year 11s... - Eye contact, babe! 290 00:14:04,053 --> 00:14:06,747 My name is Bethan Gwyndaf 291 00:14:07,179 --> 00:14:09,024 and I’m here to recruit you. 292 00:14:09,110 --> 00:14:11,944 I can’t forget the looks on the faces 293 00:14:12,287 --> 00:14:14,425 of people who have lost hope. 294 00:14:14,510 --> 00:14:16,350 If I can be elected, 295 00:14:16,651 --> 00:14:19,259 it’s a green light, it says dare to hope 296 00:14:19,344 --> 00:14:22,050 and you and you and you, you have to give people hope. 297 00:14:22,135 --> 00:14:24,225 Is that the speech from Milk, babe? 298 00:14:24,310 --> 00:14:27,179 - What, you’ve seen it? - Yeah, of course I have. Everyone has. 299 00:14:27,264 --> 00:14:29,533 It’s good. It’s really good. It’s really good. 300 00:14:29,618 --> 00:14:32,629 - It’s just not really you. - What...? The speeches are tomorrow! 301 00:14:33,608 --> 00:14:36,023 - Well, I... What am I meant to do? - Well, it’s fine, we can just 302 00:14:36,109 --> 00:14:38,764 - work on it. We can go through it. - It’s not fine. I’ve just wasted, like, 303 00:14:38,875 --> 00:14:40,674 the last however many hours 304 00:14:40,759 --> 00:14:42,798 doing nothing in a field, embarrassing myself, 305 00:14:42,883 --> 00:14:44,670 for you to say it doesn’t sound like me. 306 00:14:45,363 --> 00:14:47,576 “Hope for a better place to-- 307 00:14:49,708 --> 00:14:51,294 Hope for a better place to come to, 308 00:14:51,379 --> 00:14:53,767 if the pressures at home are too great.” 309 00:15:11,724 --> 00:15:14,280 I could cry when I hear you talk like that. 310 00:15:15,950 --> 00:15:17,764 You’re going to go far, my girl. 311 00:15:21,441 --> 00:15:22,722 Okay, settle down. 312 00:15:22,807 --> 00:15:24,464 Come on, take your seats. 313 00:15:24,670 --> 00:15:27,105 We will be starting in five minutes 314 00:15:27,190 --> 00:15:28,980 with the female candidates. 315 00:15:29,332 --> 00:15:32,590 You have to line up near me. Female candidates. 316 00:15:36,577 --> 00:15:38,920 Settle down. 317 00:15:40,136 --> 00:15:41,230 Shut it! 318 00:15:43,935 --> 00:15:45,969 Jonesy, in your own time. 319 00:15:59,761 --> 00:16:02,484 First candidate to welcome to the stage, please, 320 00:16:02,569 --> 00:16:04,759 it is Sarah Zygmund. 321 00:16:27,527 --> 00:16:28,675 Give me an L! 322 00:16:28,761 --> 00:16:29,865 L! 323 00:16:29,950 --> 00:16:31,850 - Give me another L! - L! 324 00:16:31,935 --> 00:16:34,502 - Give me an A! - Okay, that’s quite enough of that. 325 00:16:34,587 --> 00:16:37,029 I’d like to get home today before lunchtime. Isn’t it? All right. 326 00:16:37,114 --> 00:16:40,587 Now, we have Poppy Cruickshank. 327 00:16:48,634 --> 00:16:51,150 - We love you, Poppy! - I love you too! 328 00:16:51,902 --> 00:16:53,741 Right, first things first. 329 00:16:53,827 --> 00:16:55,910 Llanfair High School is the best. 330 00:16:59,295 --> 00:17:01,577 Llanfair, Llanfair! 331 00:17:03,480 --> 00:17:04,967 Okay, okay, okay! 332 00:17:05,053 --> 00:17:06,547 Be serious now, guys. 333 00:17:06,632 --> 00:17:08,482 It would be an honour to work for you all. 334 00:17:08,567 --> 00:17:09,582 And, truly, 335 00:17:09,668 --> 00:17:13,017 my door will always be open. I want you to come to me with any problems, 336 00:17:13,102 --> 00:17:15,024 and we’ll fix it together. 337 00:17:19,881 --> 00:17:20,825 Now, 338 00:17:20,910 --> 00:17:25,012 your final candidate to take to the stage, 339 00:17:25,097 --> 00:17:26,921 please welcome... 340 00:17:27,697 --> 00:17:29,950 Bethan Gwyndaf. 341 00:17:53,230 --> 00:17:54,190 Hi. 342 00:17:55,670 --> 00:17:56,817 Sorry. 343 00:17:57,270 --> 00:17:58,310 Hurry up, love! 344 00:18:01,422 --> 00:18:03,369 My name is Bethan Gwyndaf. 345 00:18:04,913 --> 00:18:06,225 And I’m here to... 346 00:18:06,310 --> 00:18:07,790 to recruit you. 347 00:18:36,404 --> 00:18:37,721 Forget a speech. 348 00:18:37,806 --> 00:18:39,697 I’m just going to cut to the chase. 349 00:18:41,815 --> 00:18:43,183 Vote for me... 350 00:18:43,941 --> 00:18:46,022 and I pledge to fix the toilet seats. 351 00:18:46,363 --> 00:18:48,536 You know, the deathly ones that look normal 352 00:18:48,621 --> 00:18:52,048 but are actually split down the middle, yeah? 353 00:18:52,602 --> 00:18:55,899 No longer will you lower down for a morning steamer, 354 00:18:56,225 --> 00:18:58,805 praying to Jesus that the toilet seat won’t, you know, 355 00:18:58,890 --> 00:19:00,270 bite you on the bum. 356 00:19:01,363 --> 00:19:02,528 Dogs bite. 357 00:19:02,830 --> 00:19:04,159 Toilet seats shouldn’t. 358 00:19:04,244 --> 00:19:05,793 Do dykes bite, fatty? 359 00:19:05,879 --> 00:19:07,350 Button it, Priest! 360 00:19:08,178 --> 00:19:09,621 I tell you what, Priest, 361 00:19:09,706 --> 00:19:12,065 shall I just get it all out the way now, yeah? 362 00:19:12,150 --> 00:19:15,858 - Yeah, go on, then. - I’m not cool. I’m not skinny. 363 00:19:16,351 --> 00:19:17,790 And you don’t want to jizz on me. 364 00:19:19,070 --> 00:19:20,630 Do you want to add anything else? 365 00:19:21,547 --> 00:19:23,609 Yeah. You’ve got blancmange tits. 366 00:19:23,694 --> 00:19:27,805 Can we stop this semen and breast talk, please? 367 00:19:29,070 --> 00:19:30,322 Next up, 368 00:19:31,276 --> 00:19:32,818 I want to know who the hell 369 00:19:32,903 --> 00:19:36,150 came up with the idea that pupils aren’t allowed in during break times. 370 00:19:36,620 --> 00:19:38,153 We’re out there like 371 00:19:38,270 --> 00:19:40,259 soggy rats getting trench foot, 372 00:19:40,344 --> 00:19:42,620 while the teachers, yeah, they’re living it up like it’s 373 00:19:42,705 --> 00:19:45,265 Club Tropicana in the staffroom. 374 00:19:45,350 --> 00:19:48,550 So, the empty maths hut round the back... 375 00:19:49,224 --> 00:19:50,950 Let’s change it into a common room. 376 00:19:51,691 --> 00:19:54,270 If we don’t like something, let’s change it. 377 00:19:54,799 --> 00:19:57,064 This is our school and our lives, 378 00:19:57,150 --> 00:19:59,052 and we choose what we do with it. 379 00:19:59,830 --> 00:20:03,284 For too long the school has voted in popular kids because, well, 380 00:20:04,226 --> 00:20:05,944 we’ve always done it, but... 381 00:20:07,426 --> 00:20:10,355 being real, sometimes popular people 382 00:20:11,031 --> 00:20:12,481 are two-faced. 383 00:20:13,462 --> 00:20:16,160 They only bother being nice when they want something, 384 00:20:16,604 --> 00:20:18,267 when the truth is 385 00:20:18,729 --> 00:20:20,685 they don’t care about us. 386 00:20:20,770 --> 00:20:25,150 They think they can use us, but I say not today. 387 00:20:25,563 --> 00:20:26,664 Not ever. 388 00:20:26,972 --> 00:20:29,314 Look, I’m not going to wang on. 389 00:20:29,586 --> 00:20:31,620 You can do what you’ve always done, 390 00:20:31,705 --> 00:20:33,593 or you can vote for change, 391 00:20:33,679 --> 00:20:34,989 AKA 392 00:20:35,075 --> 00:20:36,030 me. 393 00:20:37,630 --> 00:20:39,973 Right, lads, vote with your heads, 394 00:20:40,058 --> 00:20:43,510 - not your dicks. - Oh, all right now, that’s enough... 395 00:20:43,981 --> 00:20:45,252 Peace out. 396 00:20:51,078 --> 00:20:52,860 - Well, how did it go? - It was all right. 397 00:20:52,946 --> 00:20:55,001 - Do you think you got it? - I don’t know. I have to wait till tomorrow. 398 00:20:55,086 --> 00:20:57,545 - Are you happy? Are you happy? - Yes. Yes, I’m happy. 399 00:20:57,630 --> 00:20:58,964 - I bet you were brilliant. - Yeah, okay, okay! 400 00:20:59,049 --> 00:21:01,183 - I bet you blew their socks off. - Right, I’ve got to go, though. 401 00:21:01,268 --> 00:21:02,795 - Okay. Keep me in the loop! - Yeah, I’m going to go now. 402 00:21:02,880 --> 00:21:04,432 - All right... - Right, I’ll speak to you later. 403 00:21:04,517 --> 00:21:06,053 - Okay, okay, okay. - Love you! 404 00:21:06,139 --> 00:21:07,463 - Love you too. - Love you more. 405 00:21:07,548 --> 00:21:09,081 - Bye! Bye-bye. - Bye-bye! 406 00:21:10,183 --> 00:21:13,041 - I know. She is such a bitch. - In your own time! 407 00:21:13,440 --> 00:21:16,105 - Why are we at a scabby house? - Yeah, don’t freak out, right, but... 408 00:21:16,976 --> 00:21:19,487 - Tony Chippy lives here. - What you doing? What the fuck? 409 00:21:19,572 --> 00:21:21,055 Yeah, well, he’s not going to get away with it. 410 00:21:21,140 --> 00:21:24,210 - No, Beth, just leave it. It doesn’t matter. - It does matter, Lydia. 411 00:21:24,295 --> 00:21:25,887 - I swear... - Seriously, no one hurts you 412 00:21:25,972 --> 00:21:27,771 - and gets away with it. - Just leave it! 413 00:21:27,857 --> 00:21:29,104 I swe-- I’m leaving, then. 414 00:21:29,190 --> 00:21:30,625 - You’re not. No... - I’m leaving. 415 00:21:30,750 --> 00:21:32,970 - Wait... No, you’re not doing it. - Trav, I don’t want to. 416 00:21:33,055 --> 00:21:34,642 You don’t have to. No... 417 00:21:34,727 --> 00:21:36,425 It doesn’t change anything. 418 00:21:36,510 --> 00:21:38,670 - It does change everything. - Beth, stop it! 419 00:21:40,674 --> 00:21:42,150 No, I don’t want to... 420 00:21:44,598 --> 00:21:46,345 - What? - Are you Tony Chippy’s wife? 421 00:21:46,430 --> 00:21:47,470 Who wants to know? 422 00:21:47,706 --> 00:21:49,030 Me. Obviously. 423 00:21:50,047 --> 00:21:51,550 I might be, yeah. And what? 424 00:21:52,772 --> 00:21:54,585 - Well, you need to know something. - Spit it out. 425 00:21:54,670 --> 00:21:57,419 I’ve got three minutes before this starts burning into all of my scalp. 426 00:21:57,550 --> 00:21:59,279 He cheated on you. 427 00:21:59,913 --> 00:22:00,914 What’d you say? 428 00:22:00,999 --> 00:22:03,309 Yeah. My friend, she’s 16, half his age. 429 00:22:03,394 --> 00:22:06,025 You’ve got some big fucking clit, turning up on my doorstep. 430 00:22:06,110 --> 00:22:07,710 Yeah, well, it’s true, so. 431 00:22:08,055 --> 00:22:09,265 Tony Chippy! 432 00:22:09,350 --> 00:22:11,030 - What? - Get here now! 433 00:22:16,918 --> 00:22:18,215 Well, come on, then, mouth. 434 00:22:18,300 --> 00:22:19,129 Thinks you’re brave? 435 00:22:19,214 --> 00:22:21,025 - Say it to his face. - What’s all this? 436 00:22:21,110 --> 00:22:23,305 - You should be ashamed of yourself! - What they doing here? 437 00:22:23,390 --> 00:22:24,857 I don’t know, do I? Stupid fucking kids. 438 00:22:24,942 --> 00:22:27,190 Well, if we’re kids then why do you have sex with her? 439 00:22:27,447 --> 00:22:28,630 Yeah, Tony. 440 00:22:29,393 --> 00:22:31,381 Chips, you best looks me in the eye right now 441 00:22:31,467 --> 00:22:33,408 and tell me they’re lying, or I’m going to fucking nut you. 442 00:22:33,493 --> 00:22:35,145 Shandy, man, they’re just little fucking shits! 443 00:22:35,230 --> 00:22:36,345 Oh, you’re a liar! 444 00:22:36,430 --> 00:22:39,024 You best run now, before I belt you, all three of you little fuckers! 445 00:22:39,110 --> 00:22:40,704 Yeah, go on, threaten us all you want, but 446 00:22:40,790 --> 00:22:43,411 you had sex with a 16-year-old who was too drunk to consent. 447 00:22:43,496 --> 00:22:45,465 - What’s she on about? - Do you know what, Tony? 448 00:22:45,550 --> 00:22:47,990 I wouldn’t piss on you if you were on fire. 449 00:22:49,770 --> 00:22:51,170 Fucking trollop! 450 00:22:51,980 --> 00:22:55,042 Fucking ignore ’em, Shan, they’re little fucking slags trying to wreck my life! 451 00:22:55,127 --> 00:22:56,385 That’s fucking rich! 452 00:22:56,470 --> 00:22:58,413 Shandy, check his car! 453 00:22:58,498 --> 00:23:02,710 - My knickers are in there somewhere. - You little rotten, horrible bastard! 454 00:23:03,028 --> 00:23:04,601 Oh, my God! Run! 455 00:23:06,114 --> 00:23:08,665 No hanky-panky, one vote only. 456 00:23:08,750 --> 00:23:10,665 - You going to vote for me? - That’d be telling, wouldn’t it? 457 00:23:10,750 --> 00:23:12,633 Come on, at least tell us who’s winning. 458 00:23:12,718 --> 00:23:15,305 All right, put it this way, it’s tighter than a nun’s clam. 459 00:23:15,390 --> 00:23:16,377 Brilliant. 460 00:23:16,683 --> 00:23:17,825 Disgusting! 461 00:23:17,910 --> 00:23:20,065 The ballot box has been emptied. 462 00:23:20,150 --> 00:23:22,065 The votes have been counted. 463 00:23:22,150 --> 00:23:24,883 And I gathered you all here today because we think it’s high time 464 00:23:24,968 --> 00:23:26,542 that we announced the winners. 465 00:23:26,628 --> 00:23:28,972 Now, without further ado, 466 00:23:29,057 --> 00:23:31,310 your deputy head girl... 467 00:23:32,228 --> 00:23:34,430 Slight pause for suspense... 468 00:23:36,992 --> 00:23:39,430 ...is Poppy Cruickshank. 469 00:23:42,850 --> 00:23:44,230 That is shocking! 470 00:23:44,738 --> 00:23:46,150 I’m shocked, man! 471 00:23:47,070 --> 00:23:48,950 FUUUUUUUU...! 472 00:23:52,238 --> 00:23:54,145 Congratulations, Poppy. 473 00:23:54,230 --> 00:23:55,710 She’s gutted! 474 00:23:56,981 --> 00:23:58,962 And now it gives me great pleasure 475 00:23:59,070 --> 00:24:03,345 to reveal Llanfair High School’s newly appointed head girl. 476 00:24:03,430 --> 00:24:04,775 No, actually, no. 477 00:24:05,557 --> 00:24:07,204 It’s worth mentioning 478 00:24:07,289 --> 00:24:09,808 that this is a huge responsibility. 479 00:24:10,331 --> 00:24:11,743 But I think these shoulders 480 00:24:11,828 --> 00:24:14,190 - will carry with the diligent... - Oh, come on! 481 00:24:17,721 --> 00:24:19,710 It’s Bethan Gwyndaf. 482 00:24:39,225 --> 00:24:41,190 - That’s cool! - I know, I know! 483 00:24:41,590 --> 00:24:43,270 I can’t believe it! 484 00:24:47,229 --> 00:24:50,110 Babe, congrats! Such a big achievement for you. 485 00:24:50,563 --> 00:24:51,812 How are you going to celebrate? 486 00:24:51,897 --> 00:24:54,461 - Going to go for a Kashmiri with my mam. - Nice. 487 00:24:54,553 --> 00:24:55,665 Yeah. 488 00:24:55,750 --> 00:24:58,385 Well, yeah, well done, you, for getting deputy. 489 00:24:58,470 --> 00:25:00,535 Thanks. Actually worked out really well 490 00:25:00,621 --> 00:25:03,785 because I’m so busy with Duke of Edinburgh and everything. 491 00:25:03,870 --> 00:25:06,550 Two-faced was an interesting comment, though. 492 00:25:07,793 --> 00:25:08,911 Well done. 493 00:25:08,997 --> 00:25:09,945 Give me a hug. 494 00:25:13,984 --> 00:25:15,938 Right. Catch you later. 495 00:25:19,764 --> 00:25:22,337 Said it before and I’ll say it again, 496 00:25:22,807 --> 00:25:24,870 she’s a cunt! 497 00:25:25,408 --> 00:25:27,995 - She’ll have to-- Head girl, bitch! - You... are head girl! 498 00:25:28,081 --> 00:25:29,752 - I’m head girl! - Oh, my God! 499 00:25:29,838 --> 00:25:31,565 - You’re very cool. Oh, my God! - Oh, my God! 500 00:25:31,650 --> 00:25:32,877 - It’s amazing! - You’re, like... 501 00:25:32,962 --> 00:25:34,315 So you’re literally... 502 00:25:40,310 --> 00:25:44,660 Don’t leave me this way 503 00:25:44,849 --> 00:25:47,267 I can’t survive 504 00:25:47,352 --> 00:25:48,903 I can’t stay alive 505 00:25:48,988 --> 00:25:51,729 - Without your love... - You all right, love? 506 00:25:52,171 --> 00:25:54,394 She likes the limelight, don’t she? 507 00:25:54,910 --> 00:25:56,625 She won’t let any of the others have a go. 508 00:25:56,710 --> 00:25:59,280 - Sorry. - Nah, it’s all right, she’s having fun. 509 00:26:03,705 --> 00:26:04,870 Oh, come here. 510 00:26:08,147 --> 00:26:09,259 Eyelash. 511 00:26:13,150 --> 00:26:15,239 - Squash? - Yeah. 512 00:26:18,586 --> 00:26:19,558 Enjoy. 513 00:26:22,180 --> 00:26:25,750 So can’t you see it’s burning out of control? 514 00:26:25,982 --> 00:26:28,745 I think I’m going to need some therapy 515 00:26:28,830 --> 00:26:32,430 Oh, babe I hope you got a PhD... 516 00:26:35,150 --> 00:26:36,972 - Mum, sit down. - Come on, love. 517 00:26:37,058 --> 00:26:38,160 Mum, stop! 518 00:26:39,675 --> 00:26:41,449 - Come and dance with me! - Mum, I don’t want to. 519 00:26:41,534 --> 00:26:44,386 Stop it, Mum, stop it! You’re embarrassing yourself! Stop! 520 00:26:49,872 --> 00:26:50,925 Sorry. 521 00:26:57,105 --> 00:26:58,410 It’ll be all right. 522 00:26:59,699 --> 00:27:00,441 Yeah. 523 00:27:02,581 --> 00:27:04,490 Thank you so much! That was brilliant! 524 00:27:04,575 --> 00:27:07,136 Thank you, that was great. Thanks, Alfred. 525 00:27:10,895 --> 00:27:11,847 Mam? 526 00:27:13,329 --> 00:27:14,889 I got head girl today. 527 00:27:15,988 --> 00:27:17,030 I know. 528 00:27:17,941 --> 00:27:19,550 You are my best girl. 529 00:27:22,148 --> 00:27:24,710 She’s never going to understand me, is she? 530 00:28:44,572 --> 00:28:46,737 Staff, these two are here from the local comp, 531 00:28:46,822 --> 00:28:49,635 volunteering for their Duke of Edinburgh awards.